With Gameday nearly upon us, we hope you're as excited as we are! Every week our resident matchup experts preview each game for the weekend. They makes predictions based on a complex set of data statistical analysis reproduction algorithm tide models. But don't get upset if they doesn't pick your team to win. Use it as motivation to go out and prove them wrong. Now folks, I give you King Ding, Prince Tatas, Baby Gronk, and Dirty D!

(*Please note: These fuckers are real. They exist in the recesses of a child's mind eating a cheeseburger at Denny's on a Thursday night in mid December, while juggling nuts, thank you and goodnight.) 

 

 

WEEK 3

HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

12:00 PM Octagon Field 1 – Harper’s Heroes (1-0) vs. End Zone Assassins (1-0)

Scouting Report: Harper’s Heroes is 2-0 in its last two games against EZA, so they have to be the early favorite in this one. They also beat Squeeze It, a playoff squad from last season, by two scores last week while the Assassins struggled to put down Playmakers in their heavyweight debut. Harper’s Heroes are going to score points, there’s no doubt about it. The question that remains is whether or not EZA can get their offense on track and keep up. They have as much talent as any team in the league, so there’s no question that if they play to their potential they can pull the upset. But it’s been some time since we’ve seen their best game out there on the field. Will this be the statement game that puts EZA into contention for the top seed in the east, or will Harper’s continue their run of unprecedented dominance?

Players to Watch: HH- WR #1 Julez “Aye Aye” Ahye, WR #23 Sydney “Savage” Harris; EZA- WR #13 Anthony “Big Boy” Velazquez, WR #27 Angelica “Forever” Young


12:00 PM Octagon Field 2 – Air Mail (0-1) vs. Pink Panthers (0-1)

Scouting Report: A throwback matchup from when Air Mail was still in the eastern conference, both teams come into this game with very different rosters than the last time they met. However, they’re also both coming off of a loss and are desperate to keep up with the other teams in their respective conferences. It’s tough to know which Pink Panthers squad we’ll see -- will it be Travis “Downtown” Doyle or former MVP PJ “Sugar Bear” Linen under center? Though the Panthers remain formidable in either case, they are going to need to put together one heck of a game plan to get the jump on reigning Heavyweight MVPs ‘Diamond’ Derek Sherman and Joelle Crabtree.

Players to Watch: AIR- WR #10 Ketan “K” Patel, WR Monique Forrest; PP- WR #7 ‘Super’ Mario Perez, WR #13 Stephanie Kwok


12:00 PM Octagon Field 3 – Marvelous (1-0) vs. Playmakers (0-1)

Scouting Report: Marvelous looked electric last week with former MVP Frank “No Nickname Necessary” Campbell back under center. They need to be careful not to fall into a trap game here against Playmakers, who narrowly missed out on their first win against the End Zone Assassins last week. The Playmakers did prove that they can hold a potent offense in check though, it only remains to be seen as to whether or not they can put enough points on the board to upset Marvelous. If they can get QB #0 Patrick Jaraique back under center this week, it could be the spark they need to pull off an upset.

Players to Watch: MARV- QB #39 Frank “No Nickname Necessary” Campbell, WR #21 Ariel Baily; PM- WR #84 Laron Blake, PR #90 Jess “Tiny Violence” Perez


12:00 PM Octagon Field 4 – Squeeze It 2.0 (0-1) vs. Sexy Coco (1-0)

Scouting Report: Back in action once again is one the BMFL’s greatest rivalries. Every matchup is an instant classic, every play is must-watch football. There’s little doubt that this game will come down to who gets the ball last, as it almost always does. Coco looked shaky in their game against newcomers Too Much Sauce last week, with QB #13 Tyler “Iceman” McGuire tossing a pair of ugly interceptions. Squeeze It’s defense is dangerous and aggressive -- they have an opportunity to jump on an offense that underachieved in week one. But Coco’s defense looked great last week as well, giving up the fewest points of any team in the league. This one could be the rare defensive battle between these two squads.

Players to Watch: SI2- S #32 Phil “Tights” Reece, Jr., WR #14 Belinda “Don’t Test Her” Hester; COCO- WR #24 Jaime “Baby Daddy” Uprichard, WR #20 Seema Rao


1:00 PM Octagon Field 1 – Too Much Sauce (0-1) vs. MonStars (1-0)

Scouting Report: Too Much Sauce deserves some credit for putting forth a solid effort against Sexy Coco last week. Their defense was impressive, and the offense showed flashes in weather that made it very difficult to score. Having said that, if they want to beat the MonStars this week they’re going to need to take a big step forward on both sides of the ball. The MonStars just knocked off the defending champions and were on fire on both sides of the ball last week. There’s upset potential here, but Too Much Sauce is going to have to play disciplined football to pull it off.

Players to Watch: TMS- WR #21 Fernando Fiorentino, WR #15 Jennifer Corvigno; MON- WR #12 Alvin “Rockstar” Grimes, WR #19 Burgandy McCurty


BANTAMWEIGHT DIVISION

11:00 AM Octagon Field – First Down (with the patriarchy) (0-1) vs. Intentional Pounding (0-2)

Scouting Report: First Down had a heck of a first game versus Ice Dragonz week one, leading their opponents in the final stretch only to lose by one point as time expired. They showed moments of greatness, with star performances on defense and on offense, specifically by Aisling “Shling” Smith who tap-danced her way into the endzone for both of her team’s touchdowns. Intentional Pounding has struggled to score more than one touchdown in two games, showing genius intentions with poor execution. If Intentional Pounding can expose First Down’s weaknesses, they’ll have this in the bag; on the other hand, teamwork makes the dream work, and First Down has it in spades - will they pull off a slow and steady victory?

Players to Watch: FD- WR #21 Ariel Baily, DB #8 Adriana Demartino; IP - WR #1 Jeff Garcia, WR #69 Brie “b-hole” Corona-Galo


11:00 AM Octagon Field - Spidermonkeys (1-0) vs. Cash Me Ousside (0-2) 

Scouting Report: After a week off for some fun in the sun, Spidermonkeys is ready to continue their one game winning streak. Cash Me Ousside is aiming for redemption, scoring only a pair of touchdowns in each of their first two games and starting this winter season off very differently than the last - with an 0-2 record (as opposed to 2-0). These teams both have a ton of talent and should match up well on Sunday morning - who will claim victory remains to be seen.

Players to Watch: SM- WR #11 Ryan “Old Man” Barnes, WR #9 Lindsay “Kiddo” Kent; CMO- WR #1 Adam Donath, WR #28 Jessica Smith


11:00 AM Octagon Field – Sex Panthers (1-1) vs. Naked Pete’s (1-1) 

Scouting Report: Sex Panthers and Naked Pete’s both boast tough schedules, and it’s no wonder each squad has racked up one win and one loss. These teams both have the ingredients to secure a win, unfortunately only one will come out on top. What happens when you get together sex cats and naked humans? It will certainly be a whole lot of fun finding out.

Players to Watch: SP- WR #5 Jason Andrews, WR #8 Nicole Javal; NP - WR #13 Ali Campbell, WR #1 Sarah Byrne


11:00 AM Octagon Field - Ice Dragonz (2-0) vs. The Untouchables (1-1)

Scouting Report: Ice Dragonz are riding high after handily defeating opponents, Intentional Pounding, last Sunday. The Untouchables look to topple their competitors from their high horse and take over their coveted spot at the top of the Heroes division leaderboard. These teams have matched up fairly well in past seasons - will their winterized squads do the same? 

Players to Watch: DRA- WR #1 Sal D’alia, WR #31 Alexa “Alexa” Goldman; UNT- WR #84 Alvin Grimes, WR #6 Illiana Blackshear

1:00 PM Octagon Field - It’s A Wrap (2-0) vs. Bantam Phantoms (1-1)

Scouting Report: Can It’s A Wrap be stopped? Boasting the league’s top quarterback in touchdown passes thrown, top wide receiver in TDRs and top interception collector on defense (also racking up 3 of the top 4 fantasy PPG spots), this team is poised to take over the worl...err...the BMFL Legends division. Bantam Phantoms used to be that team, but has shown kinks in their armor in recent seasons, losing game one this season versus #MajorKey. Put your money on It’s A Wrap, but don’t count out the ultra-talented Phantoms; it’s anyone’s game.

Players to Watch: IAW – WR #81 Ramzi Bautista, WR #24 Jen “Handsy” Corvigno; BP- WR #35 Chunjee Bell, WR #9 Joelle Crabtree

1:00 PM Octagon Field - #MajorKey (1-1) vs. Los Gringos Locos (0-2)

Scouting Report: #MajorKey enjoyed a double header during week one of the season, picking up a win, followed by a loss. Los Gringos Locos have played two very competitive games, only to end up winless as they go into week 3. Former divisional champs, #MajorKey have the edge here, but Los Gringos Locos can certainly pull an upset if they focus - they do have leading players on their team fully capable of turning things around.

Players to Watch: #MK- WR #1 Julez Ahye, WR #13 Angie “The Shark” Boutin; LGL- WR #3 Moshe Indig, WR #32 Lizzy Martin