With Gameday nearly upon us, we hope you're as excited as we are! Every week our resident matchup experts preview each game for the weekend. They makes predictions based on a complex set of data statistical analysis reproduction algorithm tide models. But don't get upset if they doesn't pick your team to win. Use it as motivation to go out and prove them wrong. 

(*Please note: These fuckers are real. They exist in the recesses of a child's mind eating a cheeseburger at Denny's on a Thursday night in mid December, while juggling nuts, thank you and goodnight.) 

 

 

ALL GAMES ARE ON ROOSEVELT ISLAND FIREFIGHTERS FIELD

HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION
10:00 AM Firefighters Field, Roosevelt Island - Playmakers (3-0) v. Air Mail (3-0)

Scouting Report: Battle for the top spot in the west! Two undefeated teams enter, just one leaves. On paper, you have to like Playmakers’ chances here. They bring both the top offense and top defense by ranking in all of the heavyweight division to the table. But if any team is built to limit a top offense and beat a tough defense, it’s Air Mail. Between their own dominant defensive unit (#2 overall in the western conference), and their patented possession offense, this game should be a close one. It’s also a huge test for Playmakers, who have not played a playoff team yet this season. If they can come away with a victory here, they’ll announce to the whole BMFL that they’re ready for prime time.

Players to Watch: PM- WR/S #20 William “Beautiful” Bliss, WR Sara Griner; AM- WR #0 Kermit “The Specialist” Atkinson, WR Katie Lindberg 


10:00 AM Firefighters Field, Roosevelt Island - Ballz (0-3) v. E.Z.A- (2-1)

Scouting Report: This is a pretty lopsided matchup on paper. EZA sports the east’s #1 offense and #1 defense, while Ballz find themselves in a tough spot at the midpoint in their season. They’re second to last in total scoring and total defense in the east, and are winless thus far. But we’ve said it before, yet it always holds true -- every season brings at least one huge upset in the heavyweight division. It’s up to Ballz to put together a game plan and execute it, but there’s no reason they can’t be the team that pulls that upset this season. But they need to come up with something special in this one; if they go out there just trying to put forth a nice effort, they’re going to end up on the wrong side of the score sheet here.

Players to Watch: BLZ- WR #30 Danny Bardales, WR #88 Jillian Ellis; EZA- WR #24 Kevin Lun, WR #3 Kara Joseph


11:00 AM Firefighters Field, Roosevelt Island - Decepticons (1-2) v. Squeeze It 2.0 (2-1)

Scouting Report: The Decepticons are coming off of a rough outing in which they were missing several key players, but the schedule won’t do them any favors with this tough intra-division matchup against Squeeze It. The Decepticons have scored about twenty points per game, but allowed nearly forty. That’s not a recipe for success, and they need to get back to what they did well in their game against Ballz, namely playing aggressively on both sides of the ball, in order to take down Squeeze It. Squeeze It, on the other hand, just has to avoid big mistakes to win this game. They have the advantage in offensive organization and should be able to dictate the flow of the game -- so long as they hold onto the football, they should come out on top here.

Players to Watch: DEC- WR #31 Larry G, WR #3 Sara Childs; SI2- WR #88 Mike “Snow” Weiss, WR #81 Lauren “Can’t Stop” Pringle 


11:00 AM Firefighters Field, Roosevelt Island - Dipset (0-2) v. LOUPville (0-2)

Scouting Report: Battle of the basement! The bad news is that this season hasn’t gone the way either of these squads had hoped. The good news is that someone will walk away with a win this week. I’m not kidding, either -- this game will not end in a tie. I will personally intervene if need be to ensure this. In fact, if this game does end in a tie, I’ve been assured by the commissioner that both teams will be given two losses instead. That’s how strongly we feel about this. (Commissioner’s note: That last statement is totally, completely unsupported by logic or reason. No basis in reality whatsoever. I cannot stress enough that Prince Tatas is a deranged man who should probably be institutionalized. Maybe even sent to an island somewhere where he can never be unleashed on society again. Either way, no. Just...no.) But this has the potential to be a fantastic game. LOUPville is the veteran squad with heavyweight experience, but they’re banged up right now and playing with a new quarterback. Dipset, on the other hand, has had some time to gel and begin to install schemes on both sides of the ball. The team that comes out of this one with a win keeps their playoff hopes alive, while the other finds them on life support. Expect this to be a tightly contested game.

Players to Watch: DIP- WR #28 Jonathan Li, WR #12 Brittni Alexander; LOUP- QB John Smith, WR #19 Milana Velasquez


12:00 PM Firefighters Field, Roosevelt Island - Calm Your TDs (1-1) v. Sexy Coco (2-1)

Scouting Report: One of the BMFL’s oldest matchups resumes this week as TDs (formerly THOTs) takes on Sexy Coco. More often than not, this one comes down to the wire and there’s no reason to think this one won’t as well. Both teams feature powerful offenses, and defenses that are capable of forcing turnovers in bunches if they’re on their respective games. This game could also prove to have huge playoff tiebreaker implications, so expect both of these teams to approach this as a must-win. Strap in, because this should be a hell of a game one way or another.

Players to Watch: TDS- WR Jeremiah Gregory, WR Lindsay Owen; COCO- WR/S #7 Ryan “Viking” Berlew, WR #22 Diana “Dirty D” Berkovits


12:00 PM Firefighters Field, Roosevelt Island - MonStars (1-2) v. Dipset (0-2)

Scouting Report: The MonStars find themselves in need of a win to get back to where they want to be this season, and they run into Dipset at just the right time. There’s no other way to put it -- a date with the reigning champs is going to be a tough task for Dipset. They’ll do well just to focus on playing good football in this matchup, winning would be incredible but working on their fundamentals is equally important. If they can keep this close and feel good about their performance, mission accomplished.

Players to Watch: MON- LB #17 Jason “Smitty” Spears, WR #32 Rachel Watkins; DIP- WR #13 Digant Patel, WR #23 Sandy Wu


BANTAMWEIGHT DIVISION

WEEK 5 Previews brought to you by: Ash “The Counselor” Foote

LEGENDS 
9:00 AM #3 Spidermonkeys (2-1) v. #2 Violet Vendetta (2-0-1)

Scouting Report: This will be a very competitive game with the #2 and #3 seed going head to head after both teams were off last week. With Violet Vendetta having the slight advantage, they must continue to play team defense as they did in week 3, with every player having at least 1 tackle. They can also look to pick off Spidermoney’s QB, Dan Klatzkin, who although attained 4 touchdown passes, threw for 3 interceptions in week 3. Klatzkin must stay composed and put some points on the board and then allow his defense to dominate as they had an impressive week 3 with 4 picks, a defensive touchdown and a sack. As both teams should be itching to play, this game will come down to who wants it more.

Players to Watch: VV: #31 Nicole Chapman, #18 Matthew Trinkle; SDM: #84 Ned Marks; #88 Kim Phifer


HEROES
9:00 AM #1 Savage Pandas (3-0) v. #5 The Untouchables (2-2)

Scouting Report: Savage Pandas are hot and are fired up to keep their winning streak going into week 4 against The Untouchables. With QB Adam Donath leading the league in touchdown passes, and Panda players, Ashley Amarosa and Laron “The People’s Champ” Blake, taking home both spots for the Heroes Division players of the week, The Untouchables will have an uphill battle with too many threats on the Savage Pandas to stop. Although both teams are averaging similar points per game, SAV at 50 PPG and UNT at 46 PPG, The Untouchables must be perfect if they seek to knock Savage Pandas from the top spot.

Players to Watch: SAV: #4 Ashley Amarosa; #84 Laron “The People’s Champ” Blake; UNT: #4 Lydia Agopian, #1 JP Ebernez-Rosero