With Gameday nearly upon us, we hope you're as excited as we are! Every week our resident matchup experts preview each game for the weekend. They makes predictions based on a complex set of data statistical analysis reproduction algorithm tide models. But don't get upset if they doesn't pick your team to win. Use it as motivation to go out and prove them wrong. Now folks, I give you King Ding, Prince Tatas, Baby Gronk, and Dirty D!

(*Please note: These fuckers are real. They exist in the recesses of a child's mind eating a cheeseburger at Denny's on a Thursday night in mid December, while juggling nuts, thank you and goodnight.) 

BIG BOWL PLAYOFFS

10:00 AM Firefighters Field 1 – #2 Sexy Coco (5-1) vs. #3 Air Mail (2-3)

Scouting Report: A classic matchup between two of the BMFL’s "Original Five". Sexy Coco has a potent offense (#3 overall -- 34.16 pts/game), but if anyone can slow them down it’s Air Mail. Though their defensive ranking has slipped a bit this season (#7 overall -- 26 pts/game allowed), they still have all the pieces to shut down a great offense. The real battle here, though, might be Coco’s surprisingly porous defense (#11 overall -- 28.83 pts/game allowed) against Air Mail’s inconsistent offense (#11 overall -- 23 pts/game). Air Mail is going to need it's defense to help the offense out in this one. A Pick6 would go a long way to helping Air Mail pull off the upset here, and let’s face it, Sexy Coco has been surprisingly prone to playoff upsets the last couple of seasons.

Players to Watch: COCO- WR #9 Shahid “Cookie Monster” Wilson, WR #1 Brie “B-Nice” Corona-Galo; AIR- WR #2 Vince “Silky” Mason, WR #22 Lauren “Coopa Troopa” Cooper


10:00 AM Firefighters Field 2 – #2 End Zone Assassins (5-0) vs. #3 Marvelous (3-2)

Scouting Report: The End Zone Assassins are effectively a #1 seed, missing out on the top spot only on point differential. Meanwhile Marvelous has already lost to EZA once this season, in a high scoring affair no less. Ironically, Marvelous actually has the edge here in both offensive (#4 overall, EZA #5 overall) and defensive (#4 overall, EZA #5 overall) ranking, but will be the unquestioned underdog here. The last battle came down to the team that forced more turnovers, and this pundit sees no reason why the rematch will be any different. Expect an absolute offensive circus in this one -- THIS IS MUST-SEE FOOTBALL!

Players to Watch: EZA-QB #12 Luis “Mangu” Acevedo, WR #4 Cathy “Consigliere” Hagan; MARV- QB #39 Frank “No Nickname Necessary” Campbell, WR #17 Aisling “Shling” Smith


11:00 AM Firefighters Field 1 – #1 Harper’s Heroes (5-0) vs. #4 Squeeze It (2-3)

Scouting Report: Championship rematch! Squeeze It got the better of Harper’s Heroes in last season’s championship game, but that game feels like it happened long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away right now. Led by perennial MVP candidate Ryan “Big Time” Barnes at QB, Harper’s Heroes sports the league’s #2 offense and #2 defense, and are the unquestioned top seed in the west after knocking off rival Sexy Coco two weeks ago. Squeeze It, on the other hand, has been right there with Harper’s on defense (#3 overall), but has watched their previously potent offense fall all the way down to 8th overall. They need to find a way to score points to keep up with Harper’s Heroes or this game isn’t going to be close. Having said that, they absolutely have the tools to do it -- a reigning MVP at quarterback, playmakers at the WR position, and one of the best female units in the league right now. Can ‘Slinging’ Dean out-duel “Big Time” Barnes for a second time?

Players to Watch: HH- QB #11 Ryan “Big Time” Barnes, WR #9 Lindsay “Superwoman” Kent; SI- QB #12 ‘Slingin’ Dean Emma, WR #24 Sydney “Savage” Harris


11:00 AM Firefighters Field 2 – #1 Pink Panthers (6-0) vs. #4 TD Remix (3-2)

Scouting Report: Playoffs started a week early for TD Remix, as they punched their ticket to the big dance with a convincing win over That Side Team. They’ll find their next opponent to be a considerably greater challenge, however. The Pink Panthers have both the league’s #1 offense (40.6 ppg) and #1 defense (16.83 ppg allowed), something TD Remix hasn’t dealt with since they saw this squad back in week 1. Still, TD Remix is an incredibly talented team in their own right, with a veteran quarterback and skilled playmakers who know how to stay cool even as the underdogs. TD Remix needs to find success on offense if they’re going to win this one -- keeping the ball out of the hands of the Panthers’ ridiculous offense is a must.

Players to Watch: PP-QB #2 PJ “Sugar Bear” Linen, WR #25 Megan “The X-Factor” Williams; RMX- WR #21 Will “Joystick” Cuellar, WR #16 Liz “She-Ra” Terezo