SUNDAY ELITE MATCHUP PREVIEW
With Gameday nearly upon us, we hope you're as excited as we are! Every week our resident matchup experts preview each game for the weekend. They makes predictions based on a complex set of data statistical analysis reproduction algorithm tide models. But don't get upset if they doesn't pick your team to win. Use it as motivation to go out and prove them wrong. Now folks, I give you King Ding, Prince Tatas, Baby Gronk, and Dirty D!
(*Please note: These fuckers are real. They exist in the recesses of a child's mind eating a cheeseburger at Denny's on a Thursday night in mid December, while juggling nuts, thank you and goodnight.)
11:00 AM Field 1 – #MajorKey (0-1-1) vs. Dragonz (0-1-1)
Scouting Report: #MajorKey and Dragonz have both had a rough go of it the first two weeks, ending one game in a 12-12 tie and losing the other by a fair margin. It is time for their parallel paths to diverge as they face each other in this Week 3 matchup. #MajorKey was the only team to beat Dragonz during the regular season in the Fall, but they have a new QB at the helm this winter; will they repeat their fine performance during this rematch or will Dragonz come out on fire?
Players to Watch: #MK- WR #10 Betty “Almost Beyonce” Boutin, WR #11 Andre Milton; DR- WR #14 Belinda “Hitman” Hester, Safety #7 T.J. Winfrey
11:00 AM Field 2 – First Down (with the patriarchy) (0-2) vs. Spidermonkeys (0-1-1)
Scouting Report: First Down are on a mission to win their first game, improving week by week with a steady QB this season. Meanwhile, Spidermonkeys have fallen into a similar rut to many of the new Bantamweight teams, picking up a tie and a loss in weeks 1 and 2. Will the ladies slay or get caught up in a banana-web of losses?
Players to Watch: FD- DB #28 Simone “Rumble” Rodriguez, WR #25 Megan “The X-Factor” Williams; SM- WR #99 Nicole “The Situation” Chaplin, WR #24 Zach Frankel
11:00 AM Field 3 – Gronkey Punch (0-2) vs. Frank N’ Beans (1-1)
Scouting Report: Gronkey Punch needs a win this week to have a chance at playoff contention this season, while Frank N’ Beans looks to climb the rankings. Will Gronkey punch in their first victory or serve a win over to the Beans?
Players to Watch: GP- DB #2 Brie “B-Nice” Corona-Galo, WR #11 Derrick “High Life” Miller; F&B- WR #2 Deanna Weihs, QB #13 Louis Cruz
11:00 AM Field 4 – Yeezy Taught Me (2-0) vs. Bantam Phantoms (1-0-1)
Scouting Report: Yeezy Taught Me looks prime to take over the leaderboard after reigning victorious in weeks 1 and 2. Meanwhile Bantam Phantoms are coming out with confidence galore after a huge win versus Gronkey Punch. Who will teach whom what it means to win the third game of the season?
Players to Watch: YTM- WR #17 Sara Firestone, WR #88 Romaine Paige; BP- WR #6 Sookie Ha, WR #7 Tim Klein
12:00 PM Field 1 – White Walkers (2-0) vs. No Punt Intended (2-0)
Scouting Report: ***Game of the Week*** The undefeated teams clash in a battle to decide who will get a leg up in a competitive Bantam division. Both teams’ seasons have been laden with convincing victories. The stage is set, who will best who, see you Sunday!!
Players to Watch: WW- WR #88 Eric Zimmerman, WR #17 Kaitlin Slattery; NPI- WR #26 Jesse Edelman, WR #1 Janina Johnson
12:00 PM Field 2 – Fish Fillet (1-0-1) vs. WTF (2-0)
Scouting Report: The defending champs picked up right where they left off last season and are shredding the competition with flair. Fish Fillet got a much needed victory last week and seemed to really find a rhythm on offense. Will WTF prove the Fish win was a fluke or can Fish knock off the defending champs?
Players to Watch: FF- WR #42 Dan Gant, WR #11 Arielle Shinder; WTF- WR #88 Joe Turcic, WR #30 Melody Yang
12:00 PM Field 4 – Los Gringos Locos (0-1-1) vs Kaeptain America (0-2)
Scouting Report: Both teams are still in search of their first win, with Gringos just coming up shy last week. Kaeptain America has struggled a bit to start the season, but now with a little experience under their belts, will look to bounce back.
Players to Watch: LOCOS- WR Jonathan Li, WR #27 Leizl “Diesel” Montecillo; KA- WR #6 Ray Ramadhar, WR #88 Katherine Hernandez
12:00 PM Field 3 – Sexy Coco (2-0) vs. Marvelous (1-0-1)
Scouting Report: Sexy Coco is coming off a huge comeback-disputed victory and will look to take that momentum into this week. Marvelous just couldn’t quite get past Harper’s last week as the two ended in a draw. Marvelous will be hungry to pick up their second win, but Sexy Coco won’t make it easy as they would like to remain unbeaten… let’s wait and see!!
Players to Watch: COCO- WR #41 Jeff “The Mountie” Mizen, WR #2 Cat “Claws” Clark; MARV- WR #14 Anthony “Cookie” Milano, WR #21 Ariel Baily
1:00 PM Field 1 – Squeeze It (1-1) vs. Air Mail (1-1)
Scouting Report: This should be a hell of a game, with Air Mail’s defense playing at top form and their offense coming off of a huge performance last week. Meanwhile, you know Squeeze It’s high-flying offense is going to hit that field like a bat out of hell after the way their game ended last week. Grab your popcorn for this one, folks.
Players to Watch: SI- WR #9 Dan Klatzkin, WR #5 Connie Hwang; AM- PR #4 Lee “Hate Me” Karchawer, WR #3 Alyssa ‘A-Chap’ Chaplin
1:00 PM Field 2 – Pink Panthers (2-0) vs. Black Mambas (0-2)
Scouting Report: The Pink Panthers are on fire right now and it’s tough to imagine anyone stopping them. Meanwhile, the Black Mambas have yet to put together a complete performance this season. Can they pull it together just in time to get the better of the top squad in the east? Don’t count the Mambas out; they’ve stunned heavily favored squads before.
Players to Watch: PP- WR #1 Andy Wachter, WR #24 Michelle ‘Pick Yo’ Pockets’ Pelan; MAM- WR #18 Anthony ‘Bada Bing’ Crisano, WR #56 KerriAnn ‘Icebox’ Ciraolo
1:00 PM Field 3 – Harper’s Heroes (1-0-1) vs. End Zone Assassins (1-1)
Scouting Report: Harper’s has done very well so far to remain unbeaten without their starting quarterback. They’ve got to battle through at least one more week against a tough opponent before they’re back at full strength. Can the End Zone Assassins’ bevy of playmakers come up with the goods in what would be one hell of a statement game?
Players to Watch: HH- WR #18 Matt ‘Bean’ Sprout, WR #30 Ali ‘Super’ Mao; EZA- WR #5 Nick ‘The Godfather’ Ritacco, WR #1 Kat ‘Vicious Little’ Lam
1:00 PM Field 4 – Quickies (0-2) vs. That Side Team (0-2)
Scouting Report: Hell yes! One team is going to taste the sweet, sweet nectar of victory for the first time this season. The other side gets only the bitter draught of defeat for the third time. Unless the game ends in a tie, and then nobody's happy. But that would be awful. Let’s try not to do that. Either way, expect both of these squads to ball out and resurrect their playoff hopes with a win.
Players to Watch: QUICK- WR #82 Joe Villanueva, WR #17 Jolene “Lawless” Lalas; TST- QB #23 Richard Marchisello, WR #13 Kara Joseph