BMFL SUN TIMESPlay for Fun. Feel like a Pro. Tuesday, January 17, 2017 $1.50
YEEZY INSTRUCTS FRANK N' BEANS HOW TO BE "WEINERS" IN THE BMFL
FNL: SATURDAY AM GAMEDAY -- MARVELOUS WELCOMES LEBOWSKI WITH A SEASON OPENING “L”, 33-27
By KING DING, BMFL Editor-in-Chief
ROOSEVELT ISLAND - If this game was any indication, we’re in for a helluva season. This matchup has playoffs written all over it. Luckily for us, we’ll get to see these two heavy hitters go at it week 6 with playoffs possibly on the line.
This battle came down to very end. Down a TD with time on the clock and one last drive, there's no one else Lebowski (and a lot of other teams, for that matter) would rather have under center than the ultra-efficient Derek Sherman (4 TD, 3 XPP, 0 INT). Unfortunately for them, Marvelous had plans to throw the Little Urban Achievers a proper welcome party.
Marvelous (1-0) showed complete balance with 9 of 10 WRs recording a catch and QB Will “Joystick” Cuellar competing at his usual dynamic level (3 TDP, 3 XPP, 1 RuTD). Throw in a TD pass from Jenn “Golden” Kraham and you have public enemy number one. Marvelous looked every bit the well-oiled, battle tested, veteran group they have become over the last few seasons. They've earned their experience by blood, sweat and heartbreak and now they stand poised as the favorite to take home their 1st BMFL Taco Bowl Championship.
Next Up: Marvelous vs Blue Ballers (1-0) (who look very much improved themselves) will determine the unquestioned, undisputed #1 team in the league. Lebowski (0-1) looks for redemption against BMFL “Original Five” member, LIC Coyotes (0-1). Addt’l Game Balls: MARV- WR #5 Keith “Pablo” Persico (4 REC, 1 TD); LEB- WR #11 Rob “Tylenol PM” Tyrol (7 REC, 3 XPT).
SUNDAY ELITE HEAVYWEIGHT – SEXY COCO (2-0) SNEAKS PAST SQUEEZE IT (1-1) IN THE FINAL SECONDS OF 28-26 WIN
By Baby Gronk, BMFL Senior Writer
ROOSEVELT ISLAND – The stage was set for this one to be an instant classic and we got exactly that. Sexy Coco jumped out to the early lead, but it didn’t last long as Squeeze It answered immediately with a touchdown drive of their own. That’s how the entire first half went -- each team exchanging blows and bringing the score to 14-13 at the intermission.
Coming out of the half, though, QB #12 “Slingin” Dean Emma (4 TDP, 2 XPP, 1 INT) continued to build his case to be considered for the league MVP award, leading Squeeze It to 13 unanswered points as Coco’s offense faltered. But it’s never easy to keep an experienced team like Sexy Coco down, as they finally answered back and cut the lead to within striking distance with about six minutes to go. Squeeze It had a chance to put the game away with a long drive capped off with a TD, but fell just short of a final first down and handed the ball back to Coco with just under two minutes remaining. What followed was one of the most exciting and controversial drives of the entire season.
Fighting tooth and nail against a determined Squeeze It defense, Coco needed two fourth down conversions just to push the ball all the way into the red zone with under thirty seconds to spare. Following a chaotic and hurried sequence of plays in which there was confusion for both Coco and Squeeze It regarding the down and distance, Coco big man WR #24 Jamie “Updick” Uprichard hauled in the game-winner with zero seconds on the clock. Win or lose, ultimately this game proved that both of these teams are at the top of the class in the west. If they meet in the playoffs, expect to see yet another classic in which Squeeze It has all the motivation in the world to take it to Sexy Coco.
Next Up: Sexy Coco battles Marvelous (1-0-1) while Squeeze It looks for redemption against Air Mail (1-1). Addt’l Game Balls: COCO- WR #84 Ned “Albino Lightning” Marks (5 REC, 2 TD, 1 PICK), WR #25 Jamie “J-Bid” Biddle (5 REC); SI- WR #21 Will “Human Joystick” Cuellar (3 REC, 1 TD, 1 PICK), WR/PR #46 Sarah “Cake” Lee (8 REC, 2 SACKs).
SUNDAY ELITE HEAVYWEIGHT -- ENDZONE ASSASSINS PUT AWAY THAT SIDE TEAM 25-21
By Prince Tatas, BMFL Senior Writer
ROOSEVELT ISLAND - In a very tight western conference, every victory is precious. Starting off 0-2 puts a team into a hole from which the climb out can be very steep indeed. Both That Side Team and the Endzone Assassins knew how badly they needed this one, and they went to war all day long to go get it.
That Side Team put together arguably their most complete game of the season. They forced two turnovers, hanging with the Assassins on both sides of the ball to come within one first down of getting the ball back with a chance to win at the very end.
Unfortunately for them, former MVP #21 Jevon ‘Primetime’ Menendez (4 REC, 2 TDs) had other ideas, rallying the team on defense and making several incredible catches on offense to keep the Assassins one step ahead of That Side Team. Still, this game stands as a testament to That Side Team’s improvement this season -- look out if they’re on your schedule from here on out.
Next Up: That Side Team (0-2) plays Quickies (0-2) while the Endzone Assassins will dance with Harper’s Heroes (1-0-1) in a huge matchup. Addt’l Game Balls: TST- QB #23 Richard Marchisello (2 TDPs, 0 INTs, 1 RuTD, 1 RuXP, 2 Picks), WR #13 Kara Joseph (2 REC, 1 XPP, 1 INT); EZA- QB #12 Luis ‘Mangu’ Acevedo (4 TDPs, 0 INTs, 1 RuXP, 2 Picks), WR #14 Belinda ‘Fairy Godmother’ Hester (2 REC, 1 TD).
SUNDAY ELITE HEAVYWEIGHT -- CIVIL WAR: HEROES FROM HARPER’S AND MARVELOUS’ WINTER SOLDIERS BATTLE TO A 25-25 STALEMATE
By Prince Tatas, BMFL Senior Writer
ROOSEVELT ISLAND - Given top billing in the eastern conference this week, Harper’s Heroes and Marvelous did not disappoint, going shot for shot in an absolute thriller. Unlike what some pundits predicted, Marvelous was actually the more consistent team in this game on both sides of the ball, scoring twice in each half and also winning the turnover battle 2-1. QB #39 Frank Campbell (4 TDPs, 1 XPP, 1 INT) showed impressive chemistry with former MVP quarterback-turned-receiver #24 Joey ‘San Man’ Santiago (3 REC, 1 TD), hitting him for multiple long gains, including a bomb of a TD.
Meanwhile Harper’s Heroes’ typically explosive offense fizzled in the first half, generating just one touchdown and leading to doubts about the ability of the offense to produce without star QB #11 Ryan ‘Big Time’ Barnes. But in the second half, all of those doubts were laid to rest as Harper’s came roaring back. QB #0 Alan Conrad (4 TDPs, 1 XPP, 2 INTs) led the charge, using his legs to pick up huge first downs while showing an impressive ability to put mistakes behind him and just keep pushing forward. Though no throw he made was gutsier than the one which tied the game with just ten seconds remaining -- a frozen rope to the back left corner over a defender.
Credit Marvelous’ D for salvaging a tie though, smoothly recovering to bat down Harper’s attempted game-winning extra point. Though the tie leaves us with no satisfying answer as to which of these squads has the upper hand, it only adds to the anticipation of a classic playoff matchup between them.
Next Up: Marvelous (1-0-1) takes on Sexy Coco (2-0), while Harper’s Heroes (1-0-1) go up against the End Zone Assassins (1-1). Addt’l Game Balls: MARV- WR #32 Chris ‘Fabio’ Maurer (4 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR), WR #13 Ashley Morrissey (3 REC, 1 TD); HH- WR #22 Robb ‘Tylenol PM’ Tyrol (3 REC, 1 TD, 1 Pick), WR #10 Ketan Patel (6 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR), WR #30 Ali ‘Super’ Mao (5 REC).
SUNDAY ELITE BANTAMWEIGHT – FISH FILLET OUTLASTS FIRST DOWN IN AN IMPRESSIVE BATTLE, 24-13
By Baby Gronk, BMFL Senior Writer
ROOSEVELT ISLAND – First Down got on board first in this one, jumping out to the early lead, but Fish Fillet quickly answered. First Down’s offense looked great, but struggled once they got down inside the redzone. Defensively, the ladies played tough, but couldn’t keep the Fish from putting up some points.
Fish Fillet played a great game on offense answering each one of the touchdowns they gave up with two of their own. Defensively, they came up with some big stops when the ladies would march down the field. QB #8 Shaun Stanton (4 TDP, 1 INT) played his strongest game to date, spreading the ball around efficiently.
Next Up: First Down gets the Spidermonkeys (0-2). Fish take on the defending champs, WTF. Addt’l Game Balls: FF- WR Dan Gant (5 REC, 3 TD), WR #17 Jolene “Lawless” Lalas (4 REC, 1 TD, 2 PICKs); FD- WR #15 Katie “Lightning Foot” Lindberg (7 REC, 1 XPR, 1 PICK), WR #23 Jennifer “Golden” Kraham (5 REC, 1 TD).
SUNDAY ELITE BANTAMWEIGHT -- YEEZY TAUGHT ME INSTRUCTS FRANK N’ BEANS ON HOW TO BE “WEINERS” IN THE BMFL, 34-25
By Dirty D, BMFL Staff Writer
ROOSEVELT ISLAND - Up a mere 14-13 at halftime, Yeezy Taught Me schooled Frank N’ Beans in the second half. Converting 4/5 extra point attempts compared with Frank N’ Beans’ 1/4, Yeezy made this game a lot less close than it was at the half. Solid pressure on the frankfurters’ dual QBs, in the form of two sacks and two picks by Yeezy’s defense, eradicated any hopes of a victory by the eventual losers.
Besides showing up on “D”, Yeezy’s “O” reigned supreme, especially WR #1 Jamie “Updick” Uprichard (10 REC, 2 TD), who simply dominated on the field. Yeezy Taught Me is looking great going into Week 3 with no losses on the board, while Frank N’ Beans need to step up their game against the better teams in the league.
Next Up: Yeezy Taught Me (2-0) looks to teach Bantam Phantoms (1-0-1) a lesson, while Frank N’ Beans (1-1) hopes to fry Gronkey Punch (0-2). Addt’l Game Balls: YTM - WR #4 Christine Shen (5 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR, 2 SK), QB #21 Will “Joystick” Cuellar (5 TDP, 4 XPP, 1 INT); F&B- WR #10 Ariel Baily (3 REC), WR #11 Brad “Stealth” Tucker (5 REC, 1 TD, 1 Pick).
SUNDAY ELITE BANTAMWEIGHT -- WHITE WALKERS FREEZE OUT SPIDERMONKEYS BY ONE SCORE, 24-18
By Dirty D, BMFL Staff Writer
ROOSEVELT ISLAND - The Spidermonkeys went blow for blow on offense with their opponents, the White Walkers, in the second half. However, this was simply not enough for The Spidermonkeys to get back in the game on Sunday, as they remain winless.
White Walkers QB #10 Travis “TD” Doyle (3 TDP, 1 INT, 2 Picks, 1 Def TD) did a lot of damage on both sides of the field, scoring all four of his team’s touchdowns on offense and defense. An additional pick and two sacks shut down any hopes Spidermonkeys had for a victory. The latter will need to take better care of the ball to be successful in Week 3.
Next Up: White Walkers (2-0) plays No Punt Intended (2-0) in a battle of the undefeated, while Spidermonkeys (0-1-1) sees First Down (with the patriarchy) (0-2), both clamoring for their first win. Addt’l Game Balls: WW - WR #7 Lucy Kelly (3 REC), DB #39 Jake Peyser (1 REC, 2 SK); SM - WR #22 Jamie “J-Bird” Biddle (7 REC, 1 TD), DB #31 Alix Schneider (3 REC, 1 Pick).
Around The League... FNL -- TMNT (1-0) 34 - LIC COYOTES (0-1) 6
Game Balls: TMNT- WR #31 Alexa Goldman (6 REC), WR #20 Liz “She-Ra” Terezo (10 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR), WR #18 Dan Ayal (1 REC, 1 Def TD); LIC- WR #28 Lee “The Animal” Karchawer (8 REC) WR #14 Nikki “N-Lo” Lopez (7 REC)
What It Means: TMNT is one win into their season goal of making the playoffs. LIC must sure up their defense for a better result next time out.
Next Up: TMNT look to prove their mettle against a shell-shocked but determined Crimson Tide (0-1) squad. LIC gets a boost of offensive firepower with QB Derek Peith making his season debut against Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (0-1).
FNL -- BLUE BALLERS (1-0) 49 - CRIMSON TIDE (0-1) 6
Game Balls: BB- WR #10 Ali “That Girl” McCord (4 REC, 1 TD), WR #28 Cam Leon (4 REC, 2 TD, 1 Pick), WR #9 Tony “Knight Rider” Knight (4 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR, 2 Picks); CT- WR #15 Sha “Cookie Monster” Wilson (3 REC, 1 TD)
What It Means: Ballers take over the #1 spot in the BMFL Power Rankings. THE COOKIE MONSTER IS BAAAAACK!!!! Welcome back, Sha!
Next Up: Ballers fight Marvelous (1-0) for league supremacy. Tide get the upstart Ninja Turtles (1-0).
SE Heavyweight - Pink Panthers (2-0) 40 - Quickies (0-2) 20
Game Balls: PP - QB #18 Travis ‘Downtown’ Doyle (6 TDP, 2 XPPs, 1 INT, 1 Pick), WR #1 Andy Wachter (4 REC, 1 TD), WR #33 Katie ‘Hardcore’ Donahue (5 REC), WR #21 Preston Roberts (5 REC, 2 TDs), WR #7 Eric Zimmerman (3 REC, 2 TD, 1 XPR); QUICK - WR #5 Tymell Bell (4 REC, 1 Pick), QB #11 Eddie ‘Easy E’ Evans (3 TDPs, 1 XPP, 1 INT), WR #22 Sami Stern (7 REC, 1 XPR), WR #82 Joe Villanueva (4 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR), WR #8 Shaun ‘Quickie Mart’ Stanton (3 REC, 1 TD), WR #2 Grace ‘Quickies and Cream’ Ma (4 REC), WR #4 Mike Marcus (3 REC, 1 TD).
Next Up: The Pink Panthers (2-0) play the Black Mambas (0-2), who will be hungry to knock off the Panthers and get their first win. Quickies will also be going for their first win against fellow western conference squad That Side Team (0-2).
SE Heavyweight - Air Mail (1-1) 34 - Black Mambas (0-2) 12
Game Balls: AM - WR #23 Leron ‘Mr. Touchdown’ Barrino (3 REC, 2 TDs, 2 Picks, 1 DEF TD), WR #31 Nicole ‘The Situation’ Chaplin (6 REC, 1 TD), WR #6 Matt ‘Baby Gronk’ Leon (4 REC, 1 TD, 2 XPR), WR #22 Lauren ‘Coop’ Cooper (3 REC, 1 XPR, 1 Sack); MAM - WR #9 Joel Patterson (3 REC, 1 TD, 1 Pick), WR Kristi Lalli ‘Pop’ (6 REC), WR #29 RJ Johnson (2 REC, 1 Pick).
Next Up: The Black Mambas (0-2) will look to get their first win against the Pink Panthers (2-0). Air Mail has a prime time matchup against one of the western conference’s most dangerous teams, Squeeze It (1-1).
SE Bantamweight - WTF (2-0) 33 - #MajorKey (0-1-1) 20
Game Balls: WTF - WR #22 Sami Stern (4 REC, 1 TD), WR #82 Mark “Ballin’” Stallings (6 REC, 2 TD, 1 XPR), WR #2 Grace “Quickies and Cream” Ma (6 REC, 1 XPR), QB #5 Nick “The Godfather” Ritacco (5 TDP, 3 XPP, 1 INT); #MK - WR #99 Debora Chan (1 REC, 1 TD), WR #23 Leron “Stats” Barrino (6 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR), WR #13 Cordell Marius (1 REC, 1 XPP, 1 SK), QB #5 Reggie Swinson, Jr. (2 REC, 3 TDP, 2 XPP, 1 INT).
Next Up: WTF (2-0) matches up against Fish Fillet (1-0-1) and winless #MajorKey (0-1-1) plays equally winless Dragonz (0-1-1).
SE Bantamweight - Los Gringos Locos (0-1-1) 12 - Dragonz (0-1-1) 12
Game Balls: LGL- WR #5 Lisa Nouri (6 REC, 1 RuTD), WR #7 “Super” Mario Perez (6 REC, 1 TD), DB #80 Jonathan Li (1 PICK); DR- WR #51 Jessica Shih “Can Catch” (4 REC), WR #1 “Sneaky” Sal D’Alia (6 REC), DB #16 Jason “Dunkin” Glazer (2 REC, 1 SK).
Next Up: Los Gringos Locos (0-1-1) hopes for their first win versus Kaeptain America (0-2), while Dragonz (0-1-1) plays #MajorKey (0-1-1) in what should be an exciting rematch from the Fall.
SE Bantamweight – Gronkey Punch (0-2) 18 – Bantam Phantoms (1-0-1) 45
Game Balls: GP- WR #6 Matt “Baby Gronk” Leon (7 REC, 1 TD), WR #5 Gregory “The Rock” Johnson (4 REC), WR #7 Kristi Lalli “Pop” (3 REC); BP- WR #21 Aaron Stewart (5 REC, 2 TD, 1 XPR, 2 PICKs), WR #81 Ramzi “Batman” Bautista (4 REC, 1 TD, 1 XPR, 1 PICK), WR #16 Meewha Bell (3 REC).
Next Up: Gronkey Punch looks for their first win against former teammates Frank N’ Beans (1-1) while Bantam Phantoms will try to double up against the talented Yeezy Taught Me (2-0).
SE Bantamweight – Kaeptain America (0-2) 0 – No Punt Intended (2-0) 39
Game Balls: KA- WR #24 Vincent Lau (4 REC, 1 INT), WR #0 Rahel Khalique (4 REC), WR #88 Katherine Hernandez (4 REC); NPI- QB #13 John Ibarra (5 TDP, 2 XPP, 1 RuXPT), WR #25 Chris Marrone (3 REC, 1 TD, 1 PICK), WR #9 Cristiana Baldeschi Balleani (1 REC, 1 TD), PR #55 Mel G (1 SACK)
Next Up: Searching for their first win, Kaeptain America takes on the veteran Los Gringos Locos (1-1) while No Punt Intended look to stay undefeated against White Walkers (2-0).
BMFL POWER RANKINGS
SUNDAY ELITE HEAVYWEIGHT
1. PINK PANTHERS
3. HARPER'S HEROES
4. SEXY COCO
5. SQUEEZE IT
6. AIR MAIL
7. END ZONE ASSASSINS
8. BLACK MAMBAS
10. THAT SIDE TEAM
SUNDAY ELITE BANTAMWEIGHT
2. YEEZY TAUGHT ME
3. BANTAM PHANTOMS
4. WHITE WALKERS
5. NO PUNT INTENDED
6. #MAJOR KEY
7. FRANK N' BEANS
8. FISH FILLET
10. LOS GRINGOS LOCOS
12. FIRST DOWN
13. KAEPTAIN AMERICA
14. GRONKEY PUNCH
FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
1. BLUE BALLERS
5. CRIMSON TIDE
6. LIC COYOTES
KING DING, BMFL Editor-In-Chief
Ram Shamalam, jelly and jam. Peek-a-boo!
B-Nice, BMFL Editor-at-Large
Prom is going to be amazing this year!
Prince Tatas, BMFL Senior Writer
Did somebody say Tatas...
Baby Gronk, BMFL Senior Writer
Gronk like beer!
"DIRTY D", BMFL STAFF WRITER
"I have many skills you haven't even seen yet..."